Monday, December 15, 2008

I Need A Change

You know how there are those things that always happen in your life. They are inevitable, and your reaction is consistent each time they occur. I wish my reaction was not so consistent, I wish that I would change, and there are things around me saying, "you can change." It is so hard to believe that after 23 years of handling something the same way. In "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore, she talks about being free from things that enslave you and hold you in bondage. One of her points is that we must believe God, I find myself not believing Him a lot of the time. Especially when this issue arises. Have I given into self-defeat and demise? No, I am slowly beginning to realize that the road to freedom is a long one. It takes time to be free, to change 23 year long habitual reactions. Coming from the generation of convenience and comfort, I want my life to change NOW. The road is long, hard, and painful. Many good things in life that are worth something do NOT come quickly or easily. How sad it seems to me, that I am still waiting for Him to put the pieces of my heart back together even though it has been 4 months...In this moment, I am having a fantastic realization, maybe these 4 months He has been put the pieces together. If there is anything that I know, it is that God does things differently than I expect Him to. I am praying for a change. Maybe over this year God will break me of these things that could kill me.

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