Friday, March 27, 2009
God has this perpetual cycle taking place here with me in Korea. He takes one of the people I am closest to in the Wolbae crew, and gives me some special one and one time with them. First, it was Andrew, then it was Rick and Ian (I don't really want one on one time with either of them), then Bhavani, and finally, Yanin. Up until this week, Chloe has been the only one who had not had that one on one time with me. This week she has been complaining about the drama in her life as any other normal week. The only difference about this week, is that she is really misses her ex-almost fiance back in Canada. Last night, I told her I wanted to borrow a movie from her since she has like a million here with her. After work, we went to her apartment, and as I was thumbing through her DVDs she poured out her heart to me. She told me how she hates it here in Korea, and she never wanted it to come to this. How the people here have disappointed her and let her down. How she is bitter about bad relationships with the opposite sex and the fact that her best friend is in a "good" one right now, but she can't be happy for her. I asked her what she thought would make her happy since all her efforts were failing. She said she had no idea. Then she asked me if I liked it here, I told not really. I said that the growth/changes in my life, and the people were the only thing holding me here. Her second question was how would I change my outlook? God was the response I gave her. I told her that He has brought me here, and how this was never in the plans for me, and I know that He loves me, so He would not do something bad to me, even if it feels hard now. I said He is the one who has never let me down, you can't depend on people, they will let you down, but He won't. The whole time she is nodding her head, saying yeah, and even affirming how the Lord brought me here. At the end of my explanation she says, yeah you are right, I can't depend on people. I just need to be more dedicated and try harder with losing weight. My heart broke again for what felt like the hundredth time here in Korea. Chloe is what the Lord meant when He was talking about the blind, deaf, and dumb. She has the gospel right in front of her, she knows that her efforts are not enough, but she refuses to see her need for a Savior. She will not stop going, even at night, so she does not have to risk feeling the empty meaninglessness of her life. She thinks romantic love will make it complete, but once she has that, she will see that it is not true. I guess she just forgot about when she was with Eric and came here, her life was not complete then, so why would it be complete with him now? What a tragedy, what a trainwreck. I know that the Lord is grieving with me for her. Pray for Chloe, that someday she will see, hear, and be able to speak.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
So neither of them came to church on Sunday. Shawn has insomnia and cannot sleep here in Korea, and Bhavani partied it up as always. I had coffee with Shawn after work tonight so we could talk about his walk with the Lord. It was interrupted by his boss who just said he was coming over to his apartment. We are meeting again on Thursday to finish our conversation, or more like start it. We really did not talk more than 20 minutes, and most them were him asking me questions about my past. I wanted to say, stop asking me questions, let's talk about God! The Holy Spirit gave me patience and I think I will have to ease into the subject of God with him. Maybe he needs to feel comfortable with me, like he can trust me with this information about his life. Here I am, available and waiting for the Lord to do what He does best in Shawn. Hoping that Bhavani will eventually go to church with me, and until that day, I will be available as her friend to love her. [I will love her after she comes to church too. = ) ] That is where I am right now.
Lately, I have had this overwhelming feeling that creeps up on me at different times of the day. It tells me to get out of this place and leave. What quickly follows is a feeling of despair, and I have to fight it. I am literally in a war now inside my heart, and everyday I have to choose to look to the Lord. I have believe what is true, and let Him be my strength. When I do that, my spirit is always lifted, and joy comes. This may be spiritual warfare, and this morning I felt the reality of James 1:2, when he says, "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.." I saw that my struggles may mean that the Lord is doing great things, and that is so encouraging to me. I cannot even fathom all the things that the Lord is doing here in Daegu. I am excited to see them as they unfold, so many of them already have. My heart is thankful to be a part of it, even if I have to fight a war to be in the midst of God making Himself great in Korea. Dusty and Drew Remke used to always say at the end of a church service at Redeemer, "Fight for your relationship with God." Friends and family, fight for it this week.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Tonight I went and saw the Benjamin Button movie, finally, with Yanin. I am the kind of person that likes to find meaning and a lesson in everything. Any kind of slightly serious movie leaves my mind turning and configuring how I can take something from it. This is movie is way more than slightly serious. As I left the theater, I began to think through it all. It really makes you think about your life, and what you have done. It makes you want to live a life full of meaning and purpose, not just waste it. I began to think of my friends who do not know the Lord, and I had to try very hard not to break down as I left the theater with Yanin. There was so much death in the movie that it made me remember that one day we will all die. I am not afraid of my time, I actually welcome it from a distance knowing where I will be going, but when I think of them, my heart breaks. I want to shake every one of them, and say do you not understand how important this is? It's only forever, and it's only your life now! When are you going to do something with it that really matters? How can you be so blind to the truth when it is so blatantly in front of you? Tomorrow, Bhavani and Shawn may be coming to church with me. Pray, pray, pray, pray, and don't cease. I am nervous at how the service will be received by Bhavani, I don't want it to turn her off to Christ. Shawn is a struggling believer. He just is dying for a place to be encouraged, and renewed because he is shriveling up spiritually here in Korea. I pray that it will be renewal, encouragement, and strengthening for him. I will let you all know if they actually come, that will be the first step. Thanks for always praying. Love you all. Remember, live a life of purpose, don't waste your time.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
This weekend there was this show called the "CRAP ART SHOW". I was not too fond of the name, but it consisted of people going to different rooms and creating art. There was a sketch room, a sculpture room, a painting room, spray paint in the hall, and a music room. I spent a few minutes in the sketch room drawing a mouth with a city inside of it. It was my reaction to all the crude things that people has done and called "art" in the room. Lots of the crude things were words, which is why I chose to draw a mouth. The mouth had a city in it to represent the fact that we the power to move nations and cities with our words. We should not waste them, but use them well. Maybe someone will see the sketch and get the meaning.
My favorite room was the music room. It had three electric guitars, and a keyboard. I went in there at 8:15pm and started playing the guitar. Around 8:30pm, a guy named Nick walks in and starts to play one of the guitars too. My guitar skills are minimal, so I was shy about playing in front of another person. I have actually never had a jam session with someone else playing the guitar. It is always me, by myself in my room where no one can mock my music or skill. Nick, was a really nice guy, he encouraged me to play the guitar with him. I took him up on his invitation and began to gain confidence. My level of creative playing has gone up since moving to Korea, most likely because there are not many outside influences. It is just me expressing myself. I never felt highly encouraged in my artistic skills, only in vocals, but nothing further. My jam session with Nick lasted for 2 hours. It went from both of us on the guitars, to him on keyboard with me still on guitar, to me on keyboard and him on guitar. I was on the keyboard for an hour, and it was amazing. It was at this point in the night, that Nick told me he has been playing the guitar for 20 years (he is in his 30's). I was so glad he did not say that in the beginning or I would have never ventured to play in front of him. His skills were incredible, somehow, I managed to improvise well on the keyboard. There was a solid 15 minutes where it felt like an out of body experience, and after thinking about it, I can say that it was worship, for me at least. It moved me deeply, and I think the others who walked by the room were moved too. I am so thankful for that experience. It was like food for my soul. Just wish we could have recorded it all. I have decided that I love the electric guitar. I still love acoustic, but I want an electric too. Maybe one day when I stop moving from country to country, I will buy one. A big point in sharing all of this with you guys is to let you know that God is developing my artistic side here, and I am loving it.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Today, I heard Mark Driscoll say that our suffering is precious, and that we should not waste it. I have never heard anyone refer to suffering as precious, and yet I understood him when he said do not waste it. Oh how we can love, and live differently in the midst of our suffering. It is what makes others turn their heads and search their own hearts. Here are a few of the people that my bleeds for. Please ignore the fact that Andrew is flipping the camera off. Clockwise: Bhavani, me, Yanin, and Andrew. If you think of them pray for them with me.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Since the last post, there have not been any major revelations in my life. God is still revealing new things like how I can better love my co-workers and extend mercy to them. Some exciting news is that I painted a piece that is going to be used for a show that our Daegu Theater Troupe is putting on. I am not sure whether I will be going to the show or not since it is the Vagina Monologues....yeah. In one sense, that show is good because it highlights awareness of abuse towards women and the maltreatment of women all over the world, but on the other hand, there are so many other dirty things about it. I will not elaborate on what they are for your sakes if you do not already know. In spite of this, I am still excited that they want to use my painting. It centers around recovery for a women who has been the victim of abuse. I am still working on the little details, but here are a few pictures of what I have so far.