Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I have made it across China, Russia, and arrived in Italy. Nothing too exciting has happened over the past couple of days, just trying to defeat my arch enemy, jet lag. I am also in the process of trying to get my bank to understand that I do not live in the USA, even though I have not lived in the USA for over 12 months now....I have words for them that I will not express here.
Now is the time that I find myself the most antsy. I can't really relax, and I am having a hard time imagining a new chapter of my life. There is a war inside of my head. Time to make new friends, time to do new things, but I am not quite ready yet. I can't quite abandon the past 12 months. Not that coming to a new chapter means disregarding the old one, but it just all feels too quick, too fresh. I don't feel like I am in the right place right now, and I have no idea where the right place would really be. I feel like I am running into some invisible wall that will not let me pass. Despite all my feelings, I know that we live by faith and not sight, but sight has been discouraging me more than I would like it to. Hoping that I will soon find that adventurous girl that I seem to have left in Asia.
To top it all off, I miss my friends. You can listen, but you can't know unless you were there. It will never be the same again. History repeats itself, but God doesn't work the same in your life, He tends to go about teaching you things in different ways than before. Waiting for Him to move or for me to be aware of it, but until then, I will continue walking in this fog.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Dear friends and family,
Tomorrow, technically Monday, I will get on a bus and go to the airport. Then, I will get on an air plane and end of year in Korea. Once I get to Italy I will write a more formal post about it all, but this is all I can manage for time's sake now. Pray for my rearranging of bags, and the journey ahead of me to Italy. I cannot believe I have made it to this day....thanks for all of your support and prayers through this chapter of my life.
This is one of my crazy classes that I love and will miss.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I feel like a frayed sweater, and someone is pulling on the loose string. Slowly I am unraveling this week. Between saying good bye, packing, and being booked every morning/night, I am exhausted. I have teared up a few times over the last couple of days. This is brutal, just like leaving Lubbock was brutal, but in a different fashion. Just trying not to get swept away in my sea of emotions....
This is a picture of my student Sophia and me. Isn't she precious?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Not much to say today except for emotions are high these days over here for me.
Packing has begun, and I never thought that would happen. Sometimes I used to wonder whether I would live through these 12 months or not. I am trying to be balanced. Making time for people, packing, cleaning, closing it all up, and processing is not an easy task. This is my least favorite part of life. The only thing I am trying to fill my mind with, is the joy of the Lord. Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice, and rejoice! That joy is the only thing that will see me through the harder areas of leaving the people I love so dearly here, and the life that I have grown slightly comfortable in.
I want to continue to be responsible. The goal is to not let sloth creep in. You know when time passes and you look back on younger years. I am seeing how stupid I was. I am learning to value discipline, and slowly getting rid of my pet sloth named "apathy," which has lived with me for about 5 years now. Without even realizing it, I have kicked "apathy" out this year. I suppose this is evidence of maturity in my life. A good sign at the end of 12 months.
Keep me in your prayers, my journey is right at the finish line, but I have not crossed it yet.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Two weeks left and so much to do, or potentially do. Sometimes I find myself living with this syndrome in which, I try to fix everyone and everything around me. Here I am again, trying to mend broken relationships between other people, say everything to everyone that needs to be said, and make sure that it is all running smoothly when I leave. My desire to break out my tool box comes from a few good desires that are twisted into something not healthy. When I can't fix my problem or yours, I have a hard time accepting it. As I close this saga with the Asian relative of "Wrapping It Up," I am trying to find the delicate balance between being controlling over the situations, and not doing what the Lord wants me to do. Oh how balance is the key, and it always reminds me of a balance beam in gymnastics. That was the apparatus I hated the most. One wrong move and you were on the ground. With God as my spotter, I am confident that it will all turn out well.