Thursday, August 28, 2008

Justice Prevails

It turns out that I did everything right for my documents that I sent to South Korea. I have people who researched it for me and told me that Korea can not expect anything further from the state of Texas than what we have already given them. Thirty minutes ago I emailed my recruiter about this, it will take a lot for me to not rub it in his face, I know that is so mature. The email I sent him already had some attitude, I told him that the documents he already has are all that he will get from the state of Texas. I am waiting now for his response to my email, I probably won't get it until late tonight, haha.

A huge wave of confidence and peace has swept over me for the first time in a long time. Today, is my sister's birthday so I am glad that I can celebrate with her without this thing hanging over my head. Freedom, is the only way to perfectly describe this feeling. Yes, freedom. = )

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

When I am weak then He is strong

The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear. I don't know the reasons why You brought me here, but just because You love me the way You do, I'm gonna walk through the fire if You want me to. Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me yet. So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the valley if You want me to. May not be the way I would have chosen, when You lead me through a world that's not my home, but You never said it would be easy. You only said I'd never go alone. So when the whole world turns against me, and I'm all by myself. I can't hear You answer my cries for help, I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through, and I will go through the fire, if You want me to.

-Jenny Owens

The Calm in my Storm

Last night, I received another email from my recruiter. The email said that some of my documents do not have the stamp they need from the Capital in Austin even though I sent them to the Capital. Tonight, I talk with my recruiter to see what this means. Honestly, I feel very small at the moment, and extremely out of control. That is reality, I am not in control, it's just funny how I don't face it until moments like this. I will most likely be really straight with my recruiter tonight about this shady business that is happening, and tell him that I will not tolerate it. Maybe I will not be going to South Korea anymore...maybe I will have to stay and find a job here in Houston.

I am in the middle of a great storm, there is only one calm in my storm, one consistency that does not change. I have been listening to the Jimmy Needham song "Hurricane" religiously through the past two days because I feel like it describes my life now. Last night, a good friend pointed me to James 1:2. So now I am praying that I can consider these trials as pure joy.

Monday, August 25, 2008

the path takes another turn again..

I am not going to Italy anymore. In the last post I said that nothing is set in stone, here is resounding proof that it is true. So Houston better be ready for me because I will be here until the 3rd week of September. I am angry, and wish that I could just relax. It will not be so bad, but that is not what my heart is telling my head. It is screaming in ten different languages. I take peace from words that my friends Michele and Aubrey sent out today in updates about their lives. They both acknowledge that transition is hard, but surivivable if we know the One to run to. Now my feet are hitting the pavement hard.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

My journey takes a new turn...

I came upon this morning with great hope. God had impressed great things on my heart, and there was so much hope for the future that He holds in His infinite hands. After church, I came back to my aunt and uncle's house, checked my email only to discover that my date of departure had been moved! The date has been moved to the third week of September. I sat and stared at the email in disbelief for about 2 minutes. Then I began my melt down which lasted for 3 or 4 hours. What three more weeks delay means for me is that I would be in Houston for a whole month, doing nothing during the day, and hanging out with my sister at night. Hanging out with Jess would not be bad, but the hours leading up to that would be unbearable. The next thought I had was that I would go back to Lubbock for a week during that time, but after much thought, and talking with people wiser than myself, we decided that it would not be the best thing to go to Lubbock. That in itself was a hard realization to come to. There is nothing I want more than to go and be with everyone there again. I think God wants to teach me something that requires me being away from my friends, and it sucks. So I was still stuck with Houston for one month at this point. My parents then chimed in with a solution, go to Italy. So right now I am looking at a week in Houston, then flying to Italy, and hopping a plane to Korea after a few weeks there. It is not set in stone by any means right now, but that is the tentative plan. After going through 3 months of this whole ordeal, which means trying to get to South Korea, I have learned that nothing is set in stone until it actually happens, haha.

I was still restless after all this so I went to a haven of mine, Starbucks. Over a Vanilla Latte, I began to read the book "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. In the next hour, God had addressed everything that had come up in this dramatic fiasco of a day. It never ceases to amaze me that He always has it under control, no matter how crazy it looks, or how dreadful it feels. I also read a bit of Job, he knows a bit about struggle. I was drawn to one passage in particular, Job 36:15-16 says, "But those who suffer he delivers them in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction. He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food." It continues on to more incredible things, I suggest you read it all if you never have, it puts good perspective on our small lives and God's majesty. I am waiting for the place that is free from restriction, but I do not know what it will take to get there. Let me know if you have any thoughts on that...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Life before leaving...

There are a few more days left before I leave the country completely, and I have acquired a few funny stories along the way. Let me start with saying that life is strange in this in between period. I go from day to day in a sort of fog wondering if I ever will really leave or be stuck in this limbo forever. I kind of feel like a pod person, it's really lonely. I am half here, not a whole person. Most of the day there will be things that remind me of everyone at home, yes, Lubbock has become home over the last four years. In vain I try to hold back tears, I try to occupy myself with mindless little activities, running thousands of errands, watching movies, but they all end eventually. The point of this melancholy tirade is to say that I'll take a laugh where ever I can get one. That is my preface for the first story. About two days ago I was at an outlet mall with my parents picking up the last odds and ends that I need, so we went into a makeup store. I approach a lady who works there, ask her about my skin type, and what she thought would be best. After telling her I tend to have oily skin at the end of the day, she smiles, nods understandingly, and states that this is a trying age to be in. Then she proceeds to say that her grand daughter who is 12, is starting to break out a lot as well. The next question out of her mouth is, "So how old are you sweety?" and I respond, "Well...I am 22." Needless to say that she was shocked, and then backtracks by saying, "well, don't you look young for your age, you will love that when you are 40." I am thinking, well I am not 40 yet.

The only way to properly introduce my second story, is to tell you a bit about my grandmother. My grandmother is one of the sweetest ladies you will ever meet. She is deathly afraid that I will fall in love with someone who in not American while I am overseas. Her logic is that if I marry a Korean, German, French, Australian man (the ethnicity doesn't really matter), I will never come back to the United States. If I never come back to the States she will never see me again. Today I had lunch with my grandmother, and she was thrilled to discover that I will be living near an American Air Force base. She hopes that I will meet a tall, handsome, American man there, and come back to the States. My grandfather was a tall man, so I think she wants me to meet someone like him. Anyhow, once I meet him I am obligated to send her a picture. I just smiled sweetly across the table and told her I would send her a picture if it ever did happen. Hahaha, not likely to happen, but I will save those reasons for another day or maybe if I happen to fall in love with anyone there be sure you will hear about it on this blog.

Friday, August 22, 2008

My Blog

This is my blog that I will be keeping while I am in South Korea. Read it for all the updates, stories, and ridiculous tales of my life in the next 12 months.