"I want to hear the thunder of all You are. To be captured inside the wonder of all You are. I want to live, I want to breath, to search out Your heart, and all of Your mystery. You are the First, the End, time cannot hold You down, so why save a wretch like me? Cause no eye has seen, no ear has heard. No one knows all of Your mystery. I want to hear the thunder of all You are. To be captured inside the wonder of all You are. I want to live, I want to breath, to search out Your heart, and all of Your mystery. Your glory burns in the stars, shine down Your light, let us see who You are."
When I arrived on these shores, I knew that none would satisfy, but the Lord. All that had taken my heart captive was removed from my life, except for Him. I could say honestly, "Lord, I have nothing but You, and none can satisfy me, but You." Now, the wonder has faded, my heart is finding its way into that place of complacency. My heart has began to chase other things. Now the words of my pastor at Redeemer in Lubbock echo in my ears, to paraphrase, he said we are a generation that thinks God owes us/convenience. We believe that we are supposed to have a comfortable, romantic life with the job we want, a great salary, with a spouse, healthy children, and for ourselves to be healthy as well. Amidst my chasing the things that will give me comfort, and make my life "better", I have realized that God has become the second thought. I am like a stupid sheep, my heart is swayed so easily. My focus has been self-centered. God has been showing me so many different things on prayer lately, I have been looking, not applying, and lack of prayer is pride. I have let the selfishness/pride lead me to think that I deserve something different than what God has graciously given me, and where He has divinely placed me. I know I am a fool to hold so many worldly things so dearly. Pray for my heart, that I will once again begin to consider others.