Letting go is never easy.

What do you do when the stage of life your in currently seems to be impossible? When one thing after another seems to spring up, it's like trouble has found purpose in the quote, "never say die." You're in the middle of a storm, and it will not let up. I am acknowledging the many blessings, but the thing I am asking for is not selfish or sinful, I think it's actually quite responsible. I want freedom from trouble and the storm. I wish I could just hide away until it is over, but that is not an option. I must face the storm, and yet I have no power that can sway its coming or going. Once again, for the millionth time this year, I have to let go of the issue and wait for deliverance. I hope it comes soon.

This is a picture of the skyline from my friend's roof.

So much grace!

It's amazing how you much more you notice the little treasures and blessings in your life when things are rough. The way that the Lord provides is astounding, encouraging, and sometimes scary because He asks to wait. I don't like waiting and not knowing or having certainty, but then He always come through with something even better than I could have imagined. There are so many blessings to count right now, and yet I still feel a bit on edge about certain situations. I'm so thankful that God knows, that it's in His hands, and that He never panics like me. I hope that my ears and heart are open to learn and receive from this time what He will give me, or how He will transform me.

Glory is not found in these shambles...

In the smallest corners of our minds, man knows that it longs for glory. I would like to assert that man does not know what glory is. There may be a faint etching of the reality in our minds, but what do humble creatures like ourselves know about glory? We run after fame, money, attention, reputations, physical perfection, sex, possessions, and eternal youth. While we waste our lives searching for and dreaming of what this world deems as glory, the lowly live in it and know it. The outcasts who see the world as upside as their King did are compelled by the growing notion of it. To live is God's glory and gain. To desire His glory at any cost or state of life is freedom and joy. If the world understood this, if it knew what glory is and the only One it belongs to, perhaps there would be less striving. One day it will come to fruition, and I long for that day. Come Lord Jesus, come.

June

All I have to say today in light of the new month of June, is, "press on friends, don't stop fighting, don't quit no matter how much you want to."

Entangled

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope/wait in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

The word "wait" in verse 31 literally means when things are entangled in each other. Like a piece of rope, all of the chords are entangled together creating one rope. Therefore we have, those who are entangled in the Lord will renew their strength. As the pastor said, "we are not holding on, we are being help up." Let this be a call for you to be entangled in the Lord so that their is no breaking point of where He begins and you end. May we be found in Him.

Amazing PIctures!

Quite recently, my younger brother got engaged and this past week, they had their engagement photos taken. The photographers are Aric and Casey. They are married and work as a team, I love their work. The two of them always manage to find beautiful places to take pictures, even in Lubbock. = ) They did an amazing job capturing Brett and Kim's personalities on the camera. Below is the link to their blog. If you scroll down a little, you will see the entry about my brother, Brett, and his fiance, Kim:

http://aricandcasey.com/blog/

OH, and if they get 30 comments on their blog entry, they get a free copy of their favorite picture. Feel free to leave a comment if you are so inspired.

Commitment

I was thinking today about how God calls Himself the Bridegroom and the Church is the Bride. It then made me think of the dialogue that comprises the vows of marriage. Here is a sample text I got offline:

"I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

There is nothing light about these vows. I was thinking about how God is faithful in all these things on His end, and I need to be faithful in my side as well. I need to love Him more with every passing day, for richer or poorer, through sickness, health, good times, bad times, joy, and sorrow. I need to learn His love, so that I can even begin to love Him unconditionally in return. I ought to support His goals, honor, and respect Him. Whatever grieves His heart, ought to break mine too. The things that bring Him the most joy, His glory, should become my greatest joy forever. I should consider Him first, and put His desires before my own.

I am so thankful that God upholds His end, and I pray that you and I can grow in upholding ours more with everyday.

Control Freak

I don't like to think of myself as someone who is super anal or too orderly. I like being on time to certain events, and I like things to be moderately clean. It has come to my attention over the last 2 years, however, that there are somethings that I love to have an iron grip on. My day tends to be filled with time in which I think of ways to steer things in the direction where I want them to go. The thought of letting go of it, not scheming ways to be where I want to be, or doing what I want to do is terrifying. Fear begins to grip me, and the question arises: what if what I want does not happen? What if this whole situation goes in a different direction than I could have ever imagined? What if I have to start over again with making friends? I desperately do not want to start over again with making friends. I tried to not get close to anyone for a couple of months in case I had to leave again. After a while, I was reminded that I need community, I can't live alone. In order to cope with all the uncertainty in life right now, I take certain things and hold on for dear life, as if they might save me. As if, they might have some consistency, but I know that people and places are never the same. They are always changing and growing, just like me. It's tough to think that I might have to give up somethings that I have come to love, like my church family. That I might have to start from scratch all over again, that just makes me feel exhausted.

What I haven't grasped or thought too deeply about, is the fact that all these things I have now, aren't mine. They were given to me, they were provided for me, and it wasn't an easy road to get to where I am now with my new friends. I can't fathom that there could be something better out there, that God could come and provide beyond the stretch of my imagination. I have to let go of these gifts, and give them back to the Lord.

This is not me saying that I am moving right now. I still am looking for a job, but that job could be in a different city. This is just me saying that I need to trust the Lord and follow Him where He will lead me, whether it's staying here, or leaving.

You give and take away...

Yesterday, I got an email from my boss saying that he is letting me go, because he does not want to train me. It seems that after three days, I was not perfect, and he needs too much help to keep me on staff. Therefore, I am looking for work again.

What I think of now, are the lyrics to a song, "Blessed be the Name of the Lord":

You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your Name.

I feel a bit lost now, but I also feel a peace this morning. Pray that I will have wisdom in what to do next.

I've got news!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce the most recent update in my life. I finally got a job after waiting for 7 months. I started looking back in October and have been brought to this place of employment. It is a French bakery called Croissant Brioche. The store is not a chain, it's an individual establishment which I tend to prefer.

Today was my first day of training. The owner is very detailed and quite the micro manager, but I am glad that I am getting very clear directions on what I am supposed to do. I was a little bored because he would not let me do much hands on stuff. He said that he will start letting me do things in a few days. I am thankful for a job.

You can be praying that I trust the Lord for my financial situation. After training, my pay drops, but I start getting tips. I am a bit nervous about whether it will be enough for me to live on. It's just another opportunity to trust the Lord.

Praise the Lord for all His goodness!

God listens

"Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me. I cried out to him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me!"

Psalm 66:16-20

Easter

In the face of many things that can be taken as great tragedies and reasons to despair, I would like to look to the hope of world. Tomorrow is Easter, it is the day in history when the power of sin and death are defeated. I say "are" because I want to emphasize the reality that every day, multiple times a day, His blood is covering our sins. It is amazing to me to think that over thousands of years, His grace is still that powerful. It is not something that fades or changes like the seasons, it always remains. I don't even know how to begin to wrap my mind around that power. In a world that is so obsessed with technology, and doing things faster, they haven't even began to scratch the surface in comparison to what Jesus has already accomplished. When I look at the depravity of my own heart, and my selfishness, I get a glimpse of how huge the sacrifice is.

I am left in thought about how to properly celebrate this. I feel like going to church is not enough, and recognizing it is enough, nothing will honestly be enough. I know that God asks for my heart and wants me to live in a state of worship,, but I want to do more. I suppose this once again reflects the gospel, Jesus paid a debt that I can never pay or repay. I will just have to be thankful for it.

Thanks God.

Yesterday...

My little brother got engaged last night! I am so happy for him and his fiance. She is a great girl who loves the Lord. What a blessing that the Lord has placed this person in his life, and now she gets to be part of our family. Couldn't be happier, I'm getting another sister. Congratulations little brother. = )

What I love about Houston

There is one thing I love about Houston. It's not the grotesque traffic or the humidity. Shocking, I know, but the beautiful thing I love is the diversity. You can almost go anywhere in Houston and hear a foreign language. As I sit here in the coffee shop/wine bar, I have heard Russian, Greek (I think), and Spanish. Just the other day, at the grocery store I heard Japanese. Some people might feel strange, but it actually makes me feel more comfortable. I'm not the average white American, so it makes me feel a bit more at home being around different cultures or languages. Hope you can find something you love about the city or town you are in.

Rest

6 years ago, I wrote a song. I don't think I fully realized what the song meant until now. There have been bits and pieces of understanding in the past, but it feels more real today. It applies directly to life as of late. I had actually forgotten about it until last night, when the Lord reminded me. I think I named it "Rest." Here are the lyrics:

Despite my suffering, I will rest in You.
No matter what may lay ahead, I will rest in You.
This peace will flow, although I never know what tomorrow may hold, I just know Your hand is near, holding me, as I rest in You.

Despite my shortcomings, I will rest in You.
When everything falls apart I will rest in You.
This peace will flow, although I never know what tomorrow may hold, I just feel Your strength draw near, when I rest in You.

When I rest, when I rest, when I rest in You, when I rest in You.

hope

I have been thinking a lot lately about the hope that we have in Christ. Situations have sparked this contemplation. Due to these things, I feel like I am seeing it more clearly than I have before. Each day begins with hoping in Christ, and that day when He will return in all His glory to take His people home. This world is a broken place, and it's not getting any better. I am hoping in the gospel that makes all things new. I am hoping in the day, when all things will be restored to the way they should be, and nothing will be broken.

a new week

The wedding last week was fantastic! I will confess that I cried a few times. What can I say, if the groom cries, then I cry. It was also great to see friends again and share about our lives. I miss them and wish that they could be closer, but alas that is not reality.

This week is going to be busier than others. There is a new wave of jobs to apply for, which is good. I am praying that one of these will be it. It's time to move on to the next part of life now. You guys can pray with me that one of these jobs will stick.

Meditation

Dear Friends,

Have you ever had an experience where the Lord overwhelms you so much that you must cry for joy? Where His beauty becomes so evident that you are left in awe? I think our eyes our so often shielded from the reality and the magnitude of who the LORD really is. I write this now with joyful tears in my eyes and must share with you, because I cannot contain my joy. You must know it too.

Sometimes I practice a form of meditation that Luther wrote about. It involves taking a passage of scripture that you are familiar with and thinking through ACTS. Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. You take each word in the passage and think through it with ACTS. How can I adore the Lord because of _____? What can I confess because of ________? How can I be thankful because of ______? What can I ask the Lord for in light of these things? How does this all tie into the gospel? All this is done in context with what the passage means. This morning I did it with Joshua 1:5-9. Here is the context:

Moses has just died, and Joshua is left in charge of the people. Joshua is afraid because he is now in charge, and because he has to lead the people into the Promised Land. He is afraid of the enemies he will have to fight, and if he is capable of leading successfully. This is part of what the Lord says to him,

"As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave to you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."

There are two commands. Be strong and courageous, and obey the law. The second command is a stronger exhortation than the first. Which is interesting, the Lord is saying it is more imperative to obey His commands. You should put more emphasis on this than on the future enemies that you will be fighting. It's almost as if He is saying, they aren't the big deal guys. I can take them out, but you must concern yourself with obeying, because disobeying will put you in worse shape than your enemies ever could. That is just crazy to think about. Disobeying the Lord can put us in worse shape than a whole army of enemies.

Then as I meditated on it further, and asked how this ties into the gospel I saw that we cannot always obey the law. I saw that Jesus is the fulfillment of this passage. He was strong and courageous, He did not let the fear of the cross or His enemies rule His life. He completely obeyed the law never straying to the left or the right. He meditated on it day and night. He was the completion of the law. The perfect sacrifice, the High priest, and He was successful in defeating death and sin. Since He defeated death and sin, we have the Holy Spirit with us; we can commune with God without sacrifice or High priests. Therefore, He will never leave us or forsake us. In light of this, we can be strong because of His strength, and we can be courageous because of His courage. We are a set apart people, pain and hardship will come upon us, but we do not need to live in fear of it, because this is not the end. This is not what we live towards. Be strong and courageous. Isn't that beautiful? Now we can be the bearers of glory and of His image on this Earth as a result.

There were others things revealed to me in this time, but this is all I will share today. Thanks for letting me share with you, and I hope that the joy of the Lord is overflowing in your lives today.

My new love

I love walking the track at Rice University. It's not really a track, it's more like a trail. I am not a good runner, so I power walk it. I love how the trees branches knit together over your head to form a roof of beauty. I love how I now recognize certain people who come at the same time as me everyday. They know my walk, and I know their run. I love how no one feels pressure to go faster than their pace. There is no competition. I love how the pathway is covered with leaves so I feel like a little child kicking them as I walk. I love the random puddles that I have to jump over like a leap frog. I love the sky line of Houston that I see at the beginning of my walk, and the cute little shops that I see near the end. I love how there are kind people who told me that I dropped my keys. I love the squirrels that watch you pass as they nibble on some food. I love the birds that sing their own soundtrack for you. I love the breeze that brushes your faces and cools your body in the Houston humidity. I love seeing the students walking with their backpacks to class. I love the energy I feel after the walk is over and I go on with my day. I love walking the track at Rice University.

*This is a picture of the track.

It's Tuesday.

We are almost 10 days into March. How crazy is that? At the end of this week, I will fly out to Lubbock, and attend a wedding. It will be the first time I have seen some of these people in almost 2 years. I am pretty excited about it. Then I will be driving back with my friend. We want to road trip it kind of like Elizabethtown, and do random things on our way back to Houston. I plan on taking lots of fun pictures, and am excited to share them with you guys.

I have also given myself a challenge for the day. My challenge is to find a few new ways to serve the people in my community. I think it will be pretty easy to do because there is always someone who can use our help.

Hope you guys are having a lovely week where ever you are.