Monday, April 13, 2009
A Korean Wall
I have hit another Korea wall. It started this weekend. The spiral began through some painful circumstances and escalated when no one came to church with me, and then church was pretty blah. I think I built it up more than I should have. I thought, this is Easter, it will be an awesome sermon, that is not really what happened. Having no one come to church with me is discouraging because they keep on saying they will come and they do not. Not that church will completely change their hearts, but I am yearning for them to know. There is this battle waging for them, I see it clearly, because every time I make any progress with them, another new thing shows up to distract them. It is painful and grieves me deeply that they do not know the Lord and keep walking in darkness. I feel it so severely in my heart that it discourages me. I doubt what the Lord can do, because it feels like I am waging an endless battle and not getting anywhere. I pray that God helps me in my unbelief, and through my emotions. Then, as of last night, the thought of being here for another 5 months made me want to cry. I have not felt this way in quite some time, I believe that there is great spiritual warfare here, more than I experienced in Texas. I can feel the drain of it. I am reading the Word now, bringing to mind verses of truth that the Lord is my Strength, Fortress, Deliverer, and He has already won the battle. Pray that I would be encouraged by the Lord and His truth so that I may press on here. Pray that I would fight hard and not give up on my friends, even in the moments I feel I am losing them. I am choosing not to despair, but to look to the only hope I have here.
Love you all dearly. Thanks for your prayers as always.